Vera vs. Svetlana

If I would have made the time to post last weeks Thursday night game it would have went something like:
Brian brought this super hot Swedish chick to the game, why he even let her out of his apartment is beyond me cause I sure wouldn't have. This girl is beautiful, young, tall, very thin, bright blue eyes, short dark hair, thee most adorable imperfect K9 tooth enclosed by some hot pouty plump lips. The Swedes body reminded me of a model from an erotic art magazine, her breast were absolutely perfect as she so generously sported a small black, spaghetti strapped tank top without a bra. Skin so fair and shirt so low, nobody, including myself, couldn't focus on the game. We were trying to teach her to play, something I might have protested against if she hadn't been so pleasing to the eye. Her sexy Swedish accent had us hanging on her every word. The monkeys were beside themselves. Naturally I was an ally, and what the fuck Brian was doing with this easy 9 was shocking, so were gonna have to chalk it up to her being a foreigner.
Lyn, who I began calling Svetlana, couldn't keep up with our conversations, although she spoke English very well, we talk fast ghetto fab west coast slang.. Svetlana looked lost most the night, even though she had given up trying to understand poker. She sure was good at blocking out the men, harassing her with question after question. They reminded me of nine year olds at mall Santa's picture station, spiting out every last request before their two minutes of lap time expired. I ended up losing my ass that night, in debt 20 buck I borrowed from Dahmer A.K.A Uncle Dave along with my forty dollar buy in. Needless to say Svetlana was the best thing I saw all night, because my hands were pitiful.


Flash forward to last night's game. This could very well be the best come back in Monkey Casino Poker history.

Lets take it from the top, Brian brought Svetlana back, still as smokin as last week but lacking the award winning cleavage. This time she played, knowing very little about the game, which is a major hold up because her knowledge is extremely limited. The basic poker rules are the easy part and she didn’t even know that, in fact she knew so little she had no clue that you need five cards to make a hand. So by the third deal, Brian was sitting to her right, he folded and looks at her cards, not big deal, but then he reaches into her stack of chips and raises the blind from two to six, not cool right, I mean I didn't ask her to play, it was only twenty bucks, she was getting her poker feet wet. I wasn't having any of that MB (monkey business) So.. I laid it down pretty sternly to Brian. "You can't do that Brian, C'mon, I mean you can give her the options she has, call or raise, but you cant be in the game and play two hands" Oh Brian didn’t like that, he snapped back at me pretty harshly and was being a complete asshole, the other guys at the table conquered my opinion, but it got really bad with Brian's anger, we argued the boys had to calm us down. He was so defensive because he knew he was wrong. Helping is one thing, and if he wasn't playing, then hell, help her out all you'd like, but don’t be raising up all crazy rude with someone else chips. It didn’t end there, he was after me and all my chips, he announced he was on spite play against me and was gonna do what ever it took to get me out of the tournament. And boy did he, three hands later I called all in, he called just to spite me, I called and he rivered his flush against my flopped straight. I was down to two chips, and things weren't looking good for little Miss Rule follower. Three hands went by that I folded. I had two fucking chips I was pretty much a sitting duck. I got an ace, five hold cards, I call all in, because the pot was looking like the best odds I could hope for with my two chips, everyone was in the hand, they pulled my side pot of twelve chips and continued to bet. I won that side pot, then two hands later I got pocket queens, went all in. Brian still on spite play called me, I was sweatin it because he rivered a flush on me last time I went all in, but not this time, nope, I won. Twenty eight chips up. Next hand Brian went all in. I called his bet, I had seven, ace of diamonds, Brian had Jack Nine of diamonds and here came the flush.. (Insert flushing sound). So I was now 66 chips strong and made a come back all the way to the final two and ended up splitting the pot with "Mi Boy". Svetlana actually did pretty well, not that she knew what she was doing but beginners luck is what draws them in every time. Last note Dahmers said my new nickname is "Vera" because apparently that is the only female on Planet of the Apes. Good times. I played some cash game, came up a little and before I knew it, it was three o'clock in the morning. I high tailed it out of there and was only one hour late to work. Gotta scratch that habit.