Access Granted

Wishing I could remember all the games I’ve played in the past two months. The lack of my laptop has taken an ugly toll on my postings. I have been playing poker, a lot of poker. During the rest of February I did fairly well, won $250.00 on a Sunday and the following Thursday I took another $200.00 dollars home with me. At the end of the month I had walked out only twice without any money.

The most interesting event that took place In February was a phone call. A call from my ex-boyfriend inviting me to a tournament at his place, with his poker crew, I was so excited. It had been almost three years since I’ve played with them. United Poker Players of Long Beach have been playing together since 1999, they are one the major reasons I even play poker.

My Ex is wacky, he’s the only one in the world that would have a Pineapple tournament, this game is played very similar to Texas Hold’em, the twist is to start you get three hold cards instead of two, then you must discard one with your first bet. Its such a crazy game, most people have never even heard of it, but the Ex is such a clown that it comes at no surprise. The game was so fun; I drank, smoked and talked a lot of shit. As long as I can remember I could never keep up with these guys. I played well, and took two players out. I love taking players out, especially when they are all drooling over my exposed, long shapely, legs. Now I am free to flirt because I am no longer the girlfriend. These guys need little encouragement to reciprocate. They always wondered why I was even with a guy like the Ex. I came in fourth and in true UPPofLB style, the winner must take the rest of the crew for drinks. The area is surrounded by a ton of down town Long Beach dive bars, it’s never much of a trek to a watering hole. We drank, a lot, and in true Ex form, he ended up fighting, with one maybe two, in the end almost getting into it with his own roommate. I had to shuttle him home, once again ruining my good time. He was bleeding, I chased him as he stormed down the street with no shirt, I coax him into his own car, got to his place and climb through the restroom window to let him in because of course he has no keys. He pasted out and the rest of the crew showed up, I played poker with them into the wee hours of the morning, I don’t remember much but getting into bed with the Ex and passing out. In the Morning his eye was black his pillow was bloody, and I slithered out with a classic UPPofLB hang over.

Following Sunday with my Monkeys was very funny. Mi Boy and Stoner had been golfing all day and we’re pissed ass drunk, so giddy and chuckling about anything. A drunken Stoner is an inappropriate one. He makes crude comments about my tits, my cleavage, and my lips. The other guys encourage it because he is the only one who can get away with it. When you have no common sense you can get away with a lot.

Since Mi Boy works at the cigar bar he often brings beautiful wooden boxes home with him, we use these as the cash box for the poker game. Mi Boy brought a new one, and when Stoner struggled to open it, Mi Boy said “It’s a really nice looking box, but completely unfunctional. Kind a like a woman” they both look over at me and start cracking up, we all laughed. I respond by reminding him the word is nonfunctional. Idiots...

The March is going well, I’ve made some money and have kept my “go home after I’ve lost sixty dollars” rule. I haven’t won a tournament in months, I think I’m due.

We now play with dollar chips instead fifty cent, I protested at first but now I like it. Everyone is playing tighter, disciplined, and I seem to be winning more. Thursday tournament has turned into a cash game because nobody makes it on time. I have school and I’m still the first one there. It can be frustrating to wait week after week, for the same Chimps to show up.

Naturally if we are playing with dollar chips the pots are much bigger. So worth my time, Two Thursdays back I get pocket 8’s and limped in with a five dollar bet 1000aire had raised. I called because 8’s had been hot all night. The flop came K of D, 10 of D, 8 of spades, check around to 1000aire who bets 10, I call, everyone else flops next card, 10 of Clubs, 1000aire bets 10 chips, I call. The river came 6 of diamonds, 1000aire bets 25 chips, I raised it up to 50, he called, I cracked his flush and as he threw the entire deck of cards at me, I just quietly grab all my chips from the middle of the table and bend over extra far so my ass is in the air and my tits are dangling from my chest like yummy spring peaches. I never gloat.

I was totally making out with Steve in a dream I had, had. When we played last Thursday I was slightly uncomfortable, I swear he knew. He was being such an extra pervert, saying dirty, dirty things about porn and fucking chicks. Sometimes I drift off in my head and imagine all of them kissing and rubbing on my body all at once, playing with my hair, biting, pawing. I get tickled and play badly, horned up and flustered. I try not to do that so much.

Steve starts to tell a story about a Philippino man who worked with him. The man was telling stories of when he visits his home land. Steve asked him about the whores he gets and the man tells them in his broken accent “Only in duh mouf” implying he only lets the whores suck his dick, not fuck. Well that sets the Monkeys off, they loved it and haven’t stopped saying it since. I can’t ask a question with out getting “only in duh mouf” before the answer.

Tonight should be fun..Last Sunday I was too piss ass drunk to really play, I was there for two hours, drank Steve’s Heineken, won fifty bucks, then sent my Champaign brunch ass home. If I could remember any of my hands, I’d write about it. I do remember a flush, I do remember a straight, and I do remember 1000aire talking shit about how drunk I was. Comparing it to X’s Wild Turkey night. I wasn’t. My Monkeys are so fun, I just love’em.