P.S. I Love You

8:30am Sunday morning, the sound of “push – it” blared from my charging cell phone. Peeling one eye open, I was about to rip, who ever it was calling me that early on my only day off, a new asshole. The phone displayed “Dad”. For my father to be calling me at all is short of a miracle, I pick up. “Hi Daddy” I managed to whisper, with my voice half gone and my head a bit sore, one too many Bacardi and Diets last night “Brandi, get up, lets go to Palm Springs for the day.” He shouted, way too much energy for eight a.m. “Hell yeah, I’m already in the shower!”

Palm Springs is a favorite local get-a-ways, beautiful weather year round, a good crowd, yummy food and to sweeten the deal, a brand new casino.

Word of a new poker room at the Spa Casino had me very interested, I checked it out. It was more like a poker corner, no tournaments to play, I decided to come back later. I went looking for other trouble, sashayed my skirted ass through the casino and took a seat at the 3 card poker table. Played a few hands, couple straights, couple flushes, a few pairs, I always play “pairs plus” kind of like a bonus game. Singing Peggy came to say hi and took a seat at the table, she started razzing me about not playing the Jackpot for a dollar more a hand. “What’s wrong with you” she harped “you don’t have a damn dollar” I rolled my eyes and asked the dealer for Jack Pot dollars. The Jack pot rules are Royal Flush of Spades won the progressive pot of $8,474.00 dollars a Royal Flush of any other suite paid 10% of that pot. Plenty of hands went by, singing Peggy had to bail, I stayed on. Playing with the same one hundred eighty dollars the whole time, at thirty dollars a hand, I was pretty proud of myself. Then it happen……Clubs Ace King and Queen. I yelled out “FUCK ME”! The dealer hushed me and when it was time to flip over my hand the table went wild…. I won $1,3070.00 10% of the progressive and 40 to one on the pairs plus. So much for March’s bad luck…. I bought the table a round of drinks, collected my money, hung out for a short while longer and made my way to the room for a nap. I know when to walk away.

Nothing Good

An eerie calm loomed over an uneventful night at “The Monkey Casino” The fellas were in an instant funk about the NCAA games. So this morning while taking my very dirty shower, I contemplated. What the hell am I going to write about? I considered making something up, like…..

It was the last hand of the game, Chadwick went all in, I took it a step further, and I called and added something to the bet. If he won the hand I would pick up my skirt and let him spank me in front of the whole casino, and if I won the hand, he’d have to do the same, but take down his pants because he wasn’t wearing a skirt. I do fantasize about that kind of thing, mostly because I’d love to show them my great ass and secondly because I’m a pervert.

Or perhaps

A police raid interrupted my winning game. Just when Chadwick and I went heads up, twelve police men in riot gear tore through the unlocked screen door. Ordering us all down on the ground, the cops realized it was just a small home game, they joined in the cash game on the other table and I ended up winning the tournament.

Concluding, it’s ok that nothing good happened. I did unhappily lose all my chips to Chadwick last night. He was all in with Jack Queen off suite. I was holding Ace Ten of diamonds, flop came and he pair the board with his Q’s, then I paired the board with my ace on the turn, slamming my hand down and yelling “FUCK YOU”! I’ll be a monkey’s fucking uncle if he didn’t get his second pair on the river Jack has never been a friend of mine!!! I surrendered every last chip, knocking all the stacks over, some as far as the floor. Chad smiled the whole time, saying “I don’t care how these chips make there way over here, bitch.” The chip knock over is a signature Chadwick move but I pulled it, I was bitter.

Competition

“Do the Lakewood game people play better then us”?

“No, they play just as crappy”

“Do you yell at them for playing bad hands”?

“Yes”

“Do you like playing with them better then us”?

“ahhhh, no, I hate playing with all of you the same”?

“You mean you hate losing to all of us the same”?

“Fuck you”

“Haha, don’t get mad baby, I’m sure there isn’t a hot chick there who has a crush on you”(wink)

“No, but I think one dude might”

Madness

I made the reckless decision to play midnight cash game at “The Monkey Casino”. The monkeys were in a hype for March Madness. Endless conversations regarding online betting passwords and high toned why’s, if’s and when’s. I enjoy seeing the guys so passionate about something.
Sports center blared over the radio and chatter, each of them pleading their case to me in order to gain my support, all the while reminding them over and over I don’t have time to watch college basket ball, although “I think number 12 cute. B-ball white boys are hot”, that’s about the time I lose them.

Luck hasn’t really changed. I walk away with a whole seven fifty in the green, no change in the pot so round down to an even seven bux. Hardly worth the three hours had I spent there, or the lack of sleep plaguing work day now, but it has never been the money that brings me back. The camaraderie of my somewhat peers is good for me, it keeps me balanced and open minded to the obvious differences between men and women. I don’t need winning hands to know, I’m a very blessed and lucky girl to have so many such good friends.

I suck

I suuuuuck…… if you can imagine the word “suck” with five syllables, that’s me. Had a Tuesday game this week, since we are degenerate gamblers an eight person tourney can spark up at anytime. I should probably avoid poker this month. If I could, I would, and if there was ever a sign that I should, it would have been last night. Pathetically enough, a bad month cruse would be responsible for out come of the only two hands I played, I lost both. First hand I lost to a Straight on the river with half of my chips in with two pair, Kings and Jacks. Second hand I lost pocket Aces to my pocket kings, to the same prick! That was the end of my game, I did hang out and talk shit watching the rest of A.I.

We are going to play tonight instead of Thursday. Drunks need to be in top form for St. Patty’s Day. Everyone is Irish! “Mi Boy” is a Manager the local watering; it should be a good time.

I should probably stay out of the game tonight, but I won’t. Maybe the Ides of March will change my luck mid month.

Hen in the cock house

Oddities from The Monkey Casino.
For starters, I was drunk. I followed my normal routine, home from work, did some writing, took a shower and headed to “The Forty” (my favorite watering) bout eightish before the poker game. Sounds normal right, no something is missing, I didn’t eat dinner, so once I got to the Forty had three 22oz of Michelob ultra with lime juice Nine O’clock came quick and I was feeling good! Not my style to get fucked up during the week, because frankly I’m just too old to start my weekend on a Thursday. My game was horrible, I basically got blinded out. I couldn’t get a winning hand to save my life, but whateva, I think the entire game was on tilt because of oddity number two.

“Mi Boy” is “dating” a new girl, cute as a button, cool as hell but doesn’t play poker. I could really careless about that fact, except she sat at the poker table, it kinda through a weird spin on the game, because she was sitting there, we played two tables, at 5 and 6 people to each, which is just ridicules. A tournament should be at least nine to ten people per table. The blinds were ever fifth person, the odds were not good five handed. As all the men ogled Mi Boy’s new squeeze, I was bitter that the tournament was contouring to this hen’s choice of seat. In her defense she probably had no clue she was in the way, and the guys want Mi Boy to get laid so bad that they wouldn’t dare say anything, like “sit behind him and not at the table”! I knew March would suck, just my luck there are five Thursdays in March, Deftones concert on the 30th so I’ll be missing loss.

Made an early exit, I was drunk, tired and needed to get laid myself. Should have just stayed at the bar and sent my 20 bux with 1000aire, there was a semi cute boy buying me drinks.

Thursday Ban

Busted early last night, only ten players, I was fifth out.
March is gonna be a bad one. Even made it a point to wear extra low cut top. That only seemed to pay off at the bar before the game, I scored three beers.
Sad leaving the table early, missing sitting there, felt as if I was bounced out of the VIP room.

New house rule at The Monkey Casino…."No Smoking cigs inside" . The guys were devastated but understood. Although “Mi Boy” is a smoker, he laid the law down. Banished to stand out in the cold and take game breaks. I think it was a good move!

O.G.MB won the tourny last night, hitting the hands hard, playing a grandma game, meaning, even if my grandma sat in that seat she would have won. Unfortunately somewhere along the lines the vodka got a flowin and O.G. MB downed one too many, shortly after the end of the tourney he lost all his winnings to the cash game…..

Boobie Tuesday

Tuesday is not the regular poker night, but while in the middle of rubbing my money tree, I got a call…. It was Dom, “ K.P wants to play at her house tonight….are you in?” K.P is the wife of one of our regs. She lives a block away from the Monkey Casino and since she has three kids, we play at her place so she can join in with out leaving her tribe. Typically we have a small game when playing at K.P’s house, just the close "Homies", last night is was Dom, M.B.,1000aire and me. No faster then when the money I made in my pocket as I was on the poker table. (K.P.’s Kitchen Table)

Having another woman to play with is empowering. K.P is not as seasoned of a play as I, but she knows what she’s doing. Sometimes I want to reach out and help her bet bigger when she has the best hand, but house rules “only one player per hand” basically means, no HELPING anyone. It can cause lots of drama if you coach grown-ups, how to play a game they put their own money into to play.

Playing with just the "Homies" rocks, our Thursday game has gotten so huge, so it is nice to just hang out with the original crew. Small and intimate is a good climate for a Tuesday night .

I won, 100 bux….Last hand; Heads up w/1000aire. Pocket 8’s against pocket Q’s, we were both all in before the flop, then the 3rd 8 flopped last. O what joy to see 1000aire go from 2-25 on the anger scale. God bless me lucky charms. Feb was a good poker month for me, I think I won about six hundred bucks. March is an odd numbered month, I don’t seem to do very well in odd numbered months…. Good luck to me!