Monkey Poker 

King Me

Forty, Sixty, One Eighty, were the pay outs for first second and third place. Fourteen players filled the Monkey Casino, knees to nuts. I was in a Paul sandwich, Big Dick Paul (which has yet to be proven) on my left and cute Paul to my right, placed my hands on both their thighs and declared myself "the meat". Till I took Cute Paul out of the game, then the new guy Roy was next on my hit list, down to eight players we merged. No need to haul all my chips far, over to table one.

Final table players were all about even chipped. X, BD Paul, Chuck, Bryan, New Ernie, Dahmer, 1000air, and I saddled up for the next round of card playing. I took a huge pot off of Dahmer, He had the nuts flush and I had a full house Tens over Kings. That pretty much sealed his fate of being the next one out. I bet smart, I didn’t want to scare him out, so I bet small, then bigger, then a little bigger, he was not happy at all, he looked at me and said "Are you happy now, you humiliated me in front of everyone, I hope you are proud of yourself" and I was.

I played well but in the end just got out played, I took fourth for second Thursday in a row, no money. The best hand I played all night; my holds are King Jack off suit, everybody folds but X, he calls my big blind and we see the flop, Eight, Ten, Jack falls. So I'm holding top pair with a great kicker, and X bets twenty, I call. Next card is a king, X raises all in, I have two pair, top pair at that, what the fuck could he have… I thought about it, called time and then I folded…good thing, X had pocket Kings and would have wiped me out right then and there. It was a good lay down.
No cash game for me, I was tired, drunk and stoned, I said my good nights and went home

Aloha

While in Hawaii, I picked up a deck of cards that featured topples Hawaiian chicks with the intention of them being a souvenir for a friend… The cards have been captive and unopened for two years in my bedroom. A gift for the Monkey Casino? A distraction for the monkeys? Yes and Yes! The cards are dated, the women in the pictures are more then likely dead, they are definitely social security recipients, looking nothing like their five minutes of boobie card fame. The monkeys don’t give a rat's ass, there was tits and nipples, "Hawaiian" women with sand and water.(I use the term "Hawaiian" loosely, if some flowers, leaves and Hawaiian print fabrics are the deciding factors for "Hawaiian" then lay me). We played a couple hands with that deck, till 1000aire noticed it was holding up the game and banished my nudie card to the cash game table.

Fourteen players showed up and I was ready to kick some ass, I tossed some of the ugliest hands I've ever seen, kept getting Two Seven off suit as my holds. I tossed, tossed and more tossing. I came up slowly off some newbies, and the players were dropping like flies off of the other table, so we joined the other table. I hit some really, really good pots and I was sitting pretty… Then NOTHING, I went cold, couldn’t get a hand, nothing was going for me. I was getting blinded out, smalll blind five chips, small blind ten chips, things were looking grim, the I got some decent holds, ace jack off suit, I called all in, 1000aire called me with his pocket sixes and took me out at fourth place, only first second and third made money.

I did how ever join the cash game for twenty bucks and went home with One hundred and five bucks, so I came up sixty over all. I'm still in the green.

Slacker!

Got Got
4/30/06

Canceled my Venice Beach art show plans in order to get some much needed R&R. I was taking it easy before boredom set in, I began itching for something to do. My brother asked what my plans were and when I said nothing, he offered to take me with him to a friend’s house to play cards. What the hell, I didn’t have much else going on.

When I walked into the Bachelor Casino, Anthony and Alfred have obliviously been living in this condo for a while. The poker table took the entire living room, it has a permanent largeness, surrounded by the most interesting blue tube of lights around the inter edges of the table that screamed “I’m a Poker/Stripper table and I’m not going ANYWHERE”!
I took a seat and watch the eight amateurs try to keep up with each others game. Poker is a group effort. Who is big blind? Who is small blind? Did everyone get two cards? Burn and turn!
At the Monkey Casino the chips are a flat fifty cents, when playing with The 562 Long Beach Poker crew, the play twenty five cent chips color and a buck for the solid yellows, these kids were playing a buck a chip. I had their numbers, alright, and I racked up my chip, hand after hand, they bluffed and called with queen high card, I murdered them… till Dario, my brothers old football buddy had some muthafuckin beginners luck like his rent was due. After pocket kings he cleaned out Anthony, after pocket aces he cleaned out Alfred, after pocket queens he cleaned out the cute white boy sitting across from me who I had already worked for plenty, after I semi flashed him on my deal. Then I was my turn, mind you had started with twenty bucks and I was now up one hundred and thirty dollars, my holds were pocket jacks, how the hell can this punk beat me… answer: with pocket tens and a ten on the river, that was it, I was done, I had called all and got got!




Tag Team
5/4/06

Mi Boy was no where to be found, Chadwick had the game managed.. I walked in with a "play it smart" attitude, take my time, play premium hands only.
The Laker game was raging and the men were distracted, the fact that women can multi task worked to my advantage. There were nine players last night, pay outs were 1st $150.00 and 2nd $50.00. As if I were in a jungle the monkeys, yelled, moaned, jumped, high fived, shook heads in despair. All the while I was slowly robbing them, like a smart thieve, five chips here, two chips there. Came up big slowly, but for some reason Brian was whipping my ass. If I came up on a big pot, he took it from me three hands later, I think because I was under estimating his game. Brian is a weak player who gets lucky.

I took Chadwick out, I took Chuck out. Chadwick’s girlfriend “Hot Nicole” played with us, she took Dom out of the game, it was just the three of us, Brian, Hot Nicole, and myself. Hot Nicole is about five six, one hundred o' five, blond hair blue eyes and is cute as a button. Now that all the boys were gone, Hot Nicole and I we hitting on Brian, he was paying off like a hittin piñata, hand after hand, he gave all my chips back and when he left the table with a hard-on we knew we had showed him why not to fuck with two hot chicks after a hundred bucks and it’s probably a bad idea to tell them you haven’t got laid in more then five months. After a few hands the chicks split the pot and agreed to compare new shoes this Thursday.