Helvetica

I felt more like getting laid then playing cards on Thursday, so after about two hours I excused myself and headed to a booty text. I wasn’t getting any cards and there were people waiting to sit, so I walked with forty and dropped my extra six dollars to the short stack, Nick, he had been getting slammed all night.

So Sunday evening came along, I got a call from Dom; he asked if I wanted to roll through and play some cards. I was delighted to attend, it was so cold that I doubled up the layers and stopped at the ATM. I normally buy beer for the game, but I’m cutting back the cash flow I out put. It was a small crowd, 100arie, Mi Boy, Dom, BOY ROY, and I. They forced me to play Omaha HiLo, I know who to play, I’m just not that great at it, mostly because it has been so long since the day in Long Beach where dealer calls the game in cash game, and we played all games, so basically I’m out of practice.

In Omaha HiLo you get four hold cards in your hand, and five on the board. Two cards in your hand must play for your five best or worst cards. A low hand must be five cards under the number 8, and the high must be really high. Lot of straight, full houses, and flushes, everyone has a big boys in their palm. Roy called me and sucked out on me so ridiculously I was about to snap. The boys hooked me up a few free rolls so it made me feel better. Worst hand, I have QQ and A2 in my hand, there isn’t a better hand out there. I go all in with about 80 bucks, and he calls and sucks out on me, there was no low hand and he got a straight. What kind of luck do I have?

Mi Boy tells us of his latest Netflix delivery about facetype, he’s a big nerd. After much second hand he told us of the mystery of Helvetica being the most used font in all the land. Chadwick starts a verbal attack about Mi Boy being a big dork, and why doesn’t he have better things to do with his time, he’s a big pussy for being obsessed with documentaries of the super lame nature. Chad should have kept his mouth shut because he was so busy talking shit that he didn’t notice he was getting reeled in to a major suck out, his pocket K’s got CRACKKKKED by the window deuce, Mi Boy called a $47 pot with pocket 2s.

It was pretty funny that in the heat of their shit talking Mi Boy got the last word and all night long he pointed out any commercial on the tube that used Helvetica as the font. Ironically Helvetica is not available on Blogger as a font option.

I'm back!!!!

Kind of funny how we seem to have parking assignments at The Monkey Casino, It’s a big corner house. I park on the side neighbors curb right after the stop sign, behind X’s truck. Chadwick’s blazer kissing the street sign, 1000aire parked facing the house, Dom parked in the red across the street with a fire hydrant because he’s our alpha male and why shouldn’t he?

I want to keep up with my writing but my new exciting job is keeping me very busy. I still make time for Thursday night poker but haven’t had time to get laid in months. I did in fact kiss a Monkey a few weeks ago, just for fun, I was bored. I had never kissed any of the players from the game, and I’ve known then all for so long from very different avenues of my life, it’s only a coincidence three years later I play cards with them regularly, and well it was time for at least of them to know.

I’ve had a few protests lately, all surrounding Boy Roy, he’s gotten pretty cocky. He buys the table every week, just keeps buying in for more and more every time till he get hot and buys pot after pot. Creepy the way friend can begin to act over money. I lost a horrible hand to him last Thursday, I had two pair on the flop, they skipped my check, Roy bets ten, Dom calls, Chuck comes all in with eight-teen of his chips, I call my all in with 78 on top of the 18, and Boy Roy calls, and rivers me with a flush, like a dirty little dog, I was drunk and pissed, he offered me a free roll of 10 bucks but I was too mad to bother, I left and in protest will not be playing this Thursday night.

I have been playing with a group of people that have an online organization, we do meet in person and they are a lot of people from the west side of Los Angeles, and although I work out there and mesh well, I do feel like the groups token Mexican chick. At the very least they all play well and I have place a few times at the tournaments that I’ve signed up for. Its very different then a regular casino, for one they are all a bit poshy, they all have money and are well educated. I never really play or hang out for that matter outside my ethnicity not by choice but by location. Now I’m playing cards with Asians, Jews and Brothas, it’s good for me to get some diversity in my life. T

This Sunday they are having a birthday party, potluck, tournament, which gives me something new to do and show off my cooking skills. I am a really good cook.

Recap, I am protesting the Monkey Casino tonight, it will be the first Thursday I’ve missed in months, but I have to do it.

6/3/07

Last night was an eye opener, no Dahmer, no Stoner, no Big Blind Brian, sure Schteve, 1000aire and Mi Boy, Chuck, and Chadwick were stapled to the table. It just didn't feel the same, the interesting addition was a girl by the nick name of of "Precious Moments" because her skin is so fair that she looks like one of that statuettes that Hallmark sells. First timers have awful luck and win all the time, its a draw in, it happens all the time and the poor sucker is hooked, never to win again until he learns the sport better by playing more often which means losing more money. The deal didn't even make it around the table twice before she took Roy, Chadwhick and myself out of the game. I went home with an ugly suspicion that Mi Boy is macking on her, I don't like it, there are some back issues like I really really dig his ex that he should have never broke up with. She is still heart broken and my friend so its hard to separate from the underlined issues when friends break up.

So I have Ace, Two Clubs, I call the three chip raise and see two more clubs on the flop of eight, nine, and ten of Diamonds, Precious Moments bets out ten chips, value for me , I call, ten of clubs in hits the turn, there it is my Ace high nut flush, so I push all in, she calls and turns pocket 8s over, the dumb ass didn't even know she had won the hand until Mi Boy told her, I was angry and left early to go have some cocktails with my Sister and Brother.

I've been way too lazy to post, I even started a few and just didn't finish, it happens a lot, I need a muse, I need to get laid, and things are looking up in that department, I got a new job and I'm more than sure there will be a huge pool of men in my near future!

Boy Roy

Boy Roy joined our crew via me. A long time acquaintance of my brothers, he became a client of mine and after many hours of talking about poke he came to the Monkey Casino. Probably close to nine months ago on a rainy Tournament night he showed up and hasn’t missed a Sunday or Thursday since.

Lately Boy Roy has been doing a lot of house clean, leaving the Monkey Casino with about five hundred dollars a night. Although he is a super nice guy, we all hate him, a lot. They blame me for bringing him and we talk badly about him like he isn’t in the room all the time. Its rolling joke when someone yells out “Roy’s an asshole”..Or “I hate Roy” or “Fuck Roy” he just sits there like the nice quiet guy that he is, defend his play and keeps winning our money. On Thursday Chadwick shouted out “I hate you Roy. I hate you so much if you died I wouldn’t come to your funeral” then he recanted “No, I would come to your funeral” I jump in “You better come to his funeral”. “Bullshit, I’m not coming” Chadwick answers me. “I’ll go” Charles adds, “I’d come” Stoner says calmly. Dahmer not paying attention like always, asks “Where are you all going” I answer “To Roy funeral” Then well all start rolling in laughter as poor Roy sits there with a sweet smile on his face. He is really competitive, plays well and enjoys the party. Roy often stays there till 5 am and walks with everyone’s money.

1000aire has a real problem with Roy, well he has a problem with everyone, but especial Roy.

Roy has King Three, and the flop comes K 10 K, 1000aire calls all in and of course they had been at each other throats all night, he calls and 1000aire has a melt down in the likes that I haven’t seen in a long time. He slammed the cards down right in Roy’s face, Roy stood up and started talking shit. “What the fuck Dick, if you can’t handle loosing then don’t play” 1000aire got into his face and yelled back, “Fuck off” and he left. Again the room roared with laughter. Nothing beats a 1000aire melt down. I thought it was gonna be the first fist fight, good thing because the security is a bunch of Monkeys.

Personally I lost 70 dollars that night I couldn’t catch a hand, kept getting out played. At one point I was even, and my phone was buzzing a booty text message, instead of leaving. I stayed with the my eyes full of the riches on the table that I never won.

I’m headed out to a casino with Zelda and David tomorrow, a couple of other friends as well. I’m going to see if my money has better luck in another area code.

Online poker still sucks, but I’ve been spending a lot of time playing. Its cheaper than the casino tourneys.

Monkey Soup

There is no body of water in my town. Not a lake, not a pound, not a river or sea, so why would I insist on fishing all night long? My wallet would like to know the answer as well. I was doing so well the first hour and a half of play catching Chadwick bluff and doubling up my thirty dollar buys in. A lot of guys showed up and we had two cash tables going. I felt all the real action was on the other table, and I wasn’t happy we didn’t draw for tables.

Mi Boy invited a new guy, his name was JP, and he was pretty creepy looking but mostly just a big nerd. The boys called him the count, because he continued to get involved with the pots even if he wasn’t in them. Big Blind Brian almost kicked his ass, touching chips in hands your not even in, just isn’t cool. Brian had almost sixty dollars in the pot when The Count started in trying to separate the side pot bullshit that was going on, I think Brian was just trying to cause a scene because he was on a major bluff.

I later caught The Count on a huge draw, I had K of D J or D in my hand, K of S, J of S & 7 of S, he bet big, I had two pair, how could I get away, I knew he was on a draw because if he had the flush already he wouldn’t have bet so big. I called his bet, I think it was 10 bucks, A heart came up, The Count checked and I bet 45 dollars, he just couldn’t get away from the pretty Ace of spaces in his hand paired with the K of H, he called, and a Diamond came, I bet 20, thinking he had top pair, he called. It was nice to hug all the chips and reel them in my way. I don’t think he’ll be coming back.

The other day as I drove down the street I notice a piece of plywood with a hole cut out and a monkey in a tree painted on the flat side, I picked it up and took it with me to The Monkey Casino. I declared the rule that if anyone missed dealt or played out of turn they had to pose in the monkey cut out so I can take a photo.

Saturday I played poker with Zelda’s husband after her daughters 1^st birthday party, I played for a while and left with 80 bucks. They are sloppy players and I’m trying to teach them how to play tightly or lose their money to me.

Sunday I played poker at Dahmer’s house, nine guys and Brandi squished in to his tiny little dining area, my hands were just horrible, I swear I was playing an April fools day on myself.

I joined a meet up group for SoCal poker players, I haven’t gone to a game with them yet, but I get the email and they do really fun stuff. B.B.Q’s and camp outs and an Easter game, I have things to do, but I can’t wait to play with them.

Commerce Casino is the nicest of the entire dive Casinos around my area, If when you say nice you mean not a huge tent or shabby tables. Its still in the depths of the ghetto, right off the freeway. I guess Casinos have a bad reputation for luring riff raff, so the areas they are in are down right scary. I knew Roy was there, I had texted him and he was parking, I live about 10 minutes away. I bet you are thinking, that’s way too close and you are right, it is. I have some discipline, I very rarely go to any of them.

I sat at the 100 dollar no limit table, I don’t really have the kind of money that one who plays on that table should have but it was Friday and the 40 NL table would have been too loose, pay day brings loose pockets. I sat there for four hours with that hundred dollars, I toss so many hands, I was so cold, it was sad really. I did have a good time meeting new people like always. One guy sitting at my table yelped out “God, I’m just here spinnin my wheels” after he lost a pot, I answered him back “What else do you come here for”? He agreed, and more than I knew, because he must have went into a forty minute explanation about how he has a girl friend and I was so right, that is the only reason he was there, he does go out…blah blah blah… I sure he said something offensive during the rant because he apologized to me, I replied that it was okay and he probably couldn’t offend me, even if he tried. The Asian man a seat over reminded him that If I’m a poker player, chances are “She’s pretty tough” I like tough.

Did I mention that drinks are $2.50 at the casino? Diet and Bacardi is so yummy when it’s only two-fifty. I busted out after four hours, the blinds are 2,3 I had queen king and the guy next to me had raised it to 15, I had a total of 47 I call all in, he had 9,10 diamonds, and two nines hit the board. I went home around 4am.

I’m back online with poker stars, I only deposited 10 bucks and now I’m up forty dollars from pure tournaments, dollar ones at that, so I’ve been doing well, and if and when I feel cheated, it was only a buck fifty I spent.

Access Granted

Wishing I could remember all the games I’ve played in the past two months. The lack of my laptop has taken an ugly toll on my postings. I have been playing poker, a lot of poker. During the rest of February I did fairly well, won $250.00 on a Sunday and the following Thursday I took another $200.00 dollars home with me. At the end of the month I had walked out only twice without any money.

The most interesting event that took place In February was a phone call. A call from my ex-boyfriend inviting me to a tournament at his place, with his poker crew, I was so excited. It had been almost three years since I’ve played with them. United Poker Players of Long Beach have been playing together since 1999, they are one the major reasons I even play poker.

My Ex is wacky, he’s the only one in the world that would have a Pineapple tournament, this game is played very similar to Texas Hold’em, the twist is to start you get three hold cards instead of two, then you must discard one with your first bet. Its such a crazy game, most people have never even heard of it, but the Ex is such a clown that it comes at no surprise. The game was so fun; I drank, smoked and talked a lot of shit. As long as I can remember I could never keep up with these guys. I played well, and took two players out. I love taking players out, especially when they are all drooling over my exposed, long shapely, legs. Now I am free to flirt because I am no longer the girlfriend. These guys need little encouragement to reciprocate. They always wondered why I was even with a guy like the Ex. I came in fourth and in true UPPofLB style, the winner must take the rest of the crew for drinks. The area is surrounded by a ton of down town Long Beach dive bars, it’s never much of a trek to a watering hole. We drank, a lot, and in true Ex form, he ended up fighting, with one maybe two, in the end almost getting into it with his own roommate. I had to shuttle him home, once again ruining my good time. He was bleeding, I chased him as he stormed down the street with no shirt, I coax him into his own car, got to his place and climb through the restroom window to let him in because of course he has no keys. He pasted out and the rest of the crew showed up, I played poker with them into the wee hours of the morning, I don’t remember much but getting into bed with the Ex and passing out. In the Morning his eye was black his pillow was bloody, and I slithered out with a classic UPPofLB hang over.

Following Sunday with my Monkeys was very funny. Mi Boy and Stoner had been golfing all day and we’re pissed ass drunk, so giddy and chuckling about anything. A drunken Stoner is an inappropriate one. He makes crude comments about my tits, my cleavage, and my lips. The other guys encourage it because he is the only one who can get away with it. When you have no common sense you can get away with a lot.

Since Mi Boy works at the cigar bar he often brings beautiful wooden boxes home with him, we use these as the cash box for the poker game. Mi Boy brought a new one, and when Stoner struggled to open it, Mi Boy said “It’s a really nice looking box, but completely unfunctional. Kind a like a woman” they both look over at me and start cracking up, we all laughed. I respond by reminding him the word is nonfunctional. Idiots...

The March is going well, I’ve made some money and have kept my “go home after I’ve lost sixty dollars” rule. I haven’t won a tournament in months, I think I’m due.

We now play with dollar chips instead fifty cent, I protested at first but now I like it. Everyone is playing tighter, disciplined, and I seem to be winning more. Thursday tournament has turned into a cash game because nobody makes it on time. I have school and I’m still the first one there. It can be frustrating to wait week after week, for the same Chimps to show up.

Naturally if we are playing with dollar chips the pots are much bigger. So worth my time, Two Thursdays back I get pocket 8’s and limped in with a five dollar bet 1000aire had raised. I called because 8’s had been hot all night. The flop came K of D, 10 of D, 8 of spades, check around to 1000aire who bets 10, I call, everyone else flops next card, 10 of Clubs, 1000aire bets 10 chips, I call. The river came 6 of diamonds, 1000aire bets 25 chips, I raised it up to 50, he called, I cracked his flush and as he threw the entire deck of cards at me, I just quietly grab all my chips from the middle of the table and bend over extra far so my ass is in the air and my tits are dangling from my chest like yummy spring peaches. I never gloat.

I was totally making out with Steve in a dream I had, had. When we played last Thursday I was slightly uncomfortable, I swear he knew. He was being such an extra pervert, saying dirty, dirty things about porn and fucking chicks. Sometimes I drift off in my head and imagine all of them kissing and rubbing on my body all at once, playing with my hair, biting, pawing. I get tickled and play badly, horned up and flustered. I try not to do that so much.

Steve starts to tell a story about a Philippino man who worked with him. The man was telling stories of when he visits his home land. Steve asked him about the whores he gets and the man tells them in his broken accent “Only in duh mouf” implying he only lets the whores suck his dick, not fuck. Well that sets the Monkeys off, they loved it and haven’t stopped saying it since. I can’t ask a question with out getting “only in duh mouf” before the answer.

Tonight should be fun..Last Sunday I was too piss ass drunk to really play, I was there for two hours, drank Steve’s Heineken, won fifty bucks, then sent my Champaign brunch ass home. If I could remember any of my hands, I’d write about it. I do remember a flush, I do remember a straight, and I do remember 1000aire talking shit about how drunk I was. Comparing it to X’s Wild Turkey night. I wasn’t. My Monkeys are so fun, I just love’em.

Catch Up

2/1/07 missing the tournament start by about ten minutes, I got called the moment there were enough players out to play cash. I only had twenty bucks, my best odds to make money was gonna be the tourney but school was my priority. Things ended up working out pretty well, I went home with about a hundred twenty dollars after doubling up Chadwick on the last hand. That always seems to happen to me, the second we decide to call the game at, Umm..I don’t know.. 3:30 a.m. I try very hard not to play but some how always end up giving away half my money. I was happy with my play, I wasn’t getting great hands, but my betting is getting close to brilliant. I love when someone thinks I’m bluffing, the rest of the Monkey will rally that I don’t bluff, because I rarely do, then bam I flip over a great bluff on Brian who losses his mind and his money. The joy is almost sinister.

2/3/07 Steve and Richard come play at The Monkey Casino on Thursdays sometimes, Steve more than Richard, Richard hotter than Steve. They had a game going on at their friend Daniels house. I went out Friday, worked all morning on Saturday, had a party Sunday. Laying low at a poker tourney sounded like a good idea, Until I realized that this house was a big kid palace, complete with whole room dedicated to poker. Huge poker table, computer projector with poker info, a keg, poker magazines, a wife who waited on us, fancy chips and cards, new men I’ve never met, and an Ipod station with some pretty horrible music, but it made for great conversations and gave everyone a chance to talk shit on Daniel. The guys are all good friends, I kept quiet and watched each one of them play. They were pretty bad, mostly playing on luck, bad hand after bad hand. I racked up the chips softly with a pretty smile. Acquiring the attention of two males, it was entertaining to watch them compete for my attention rather than my chips, I’ll take what I can get these days. At one point I stood up to deal across the large table, exposing my chest to the nine players. It was the least I could do.
After chipping away and making it to the last four players at this fifty dollar no rebuy with 15 minute blinds. Time to tinkle in the very clean, fancy rest room and when I returned Richard had taken the other two players out. Now I was short stack, Richard hadn’t even play very much. He was sitting waiting for his pray to weaken and make his move. I argued it was a set up against the new girl, it didn’t fly. Richard came down to the end of the table on my suggestion to allow the other guys to utilize the rest of the table for a cash game. Richard didn’t want to split, I had other motives. I’ve been after Richard for a while and now was my chance to grope him under the table as a distraction tactic. It didn’t work, it came down to pocket ten in my hand and Richard had queen king, a queen came on the river and I lost. We played a little while longer before I gave Richard a hard-on, he whispered to me if was going home with him, I said no, I’m not prepared for that right now. Richard left, using my second place money, hanging out playing cash game, then dismissed myself shortly after I swear I fell asleep twice. I left with two hundred twenty five bucks.

2/4/07 You are invited to Super bowl Party 07 at the Monkey. I made fresh yummy salsa and guacamole and bought some chips. We had a few pools going on, lots food, lots of Vodka and a nice full fresh keg of Keystone beer. Mi Boy and BD Paul organized it all, it was a nice change to be hanging out with the monkeys in a more social setting. Same spot different feel, a few one on one conversations that don’t really take place because we talk in a circle of people, nothing super personal is really ever discussed. I spoke with Charles, a very nice, bit older guy who frequents The Monkey Casino. We regaled his date from the night before. I’m glad he went out with a nice woman, He’s a nice guy. Charles tells me secrets about having dreams about me and me being one of the only women he has contact with, that’s too bad, he is pretty good looking for a 42 year old.

Once the Keg was dry, the food was gone and the vodka tonic were flowin like wine, we sat down and played some cards, I wish I have more recollection of the game, I did fairly well, I woke up with two hundred dollars in my purse. The only things I remember is watching Prince sing some good old tunes from my young years in the pouring rain and me and Mi Boy singing Karaoke machineless Karaoke into the wee hours. Good times.